Want peace in your world? Tame your amygdala first and practice interactive peace.

Verbal aggression among ourselves is a form of abuse; yet, we all do it on some level, failing to gauge the immediate damage and the future imprint. However, for the most part, I have yet to hear: “I want to inflict harm“, rather, what I hear is: “I don’t know how to do it differently“.  This is true but would you do it differently if you knew better? As a relational therapist, I spend several hours a week coaching people how to effectively transform difficult conversations into productive dialogue to quash aggression and give way to healthy paths of communication. I do this by teaching […]

Ever wondered what “climate” you bestow upon your marriage?

Our relationships deserve to exist in an optimum relational climate and each one of us has the power and the responsibility to generate it.  One of the top 3 Merriam-Webster dictionary definitions of climate is described as: The usual or most widespread mood or conditions in a place. Ponder for a minute, how the synergy of several variables in the atmosphere delivers our moment-to-moment climate conditions and how vulnerable we are to it. We are perpetual hosts of the world-climate’s will, a deeply humbling experience, yet, a necessary one, to keep abreast of our surroundings and (un)predictable factors in check. Conversely, when […]

What’s your “BIG PICTURE?”: From Gloom to Joy

Hello folks, joyous 2016 to all! What’s your “big picture?”  As the buzz of the holiday season fizzles down and the first month of the year gets on its way, it is natural to want to regain perspective of our lives, find the “big picture” and readjust our bearings sort to speak. In my own family, marriage of 20+ years and in my work as a couple’s therapist, I am constantly challenged to do just that for both, clients and I alike: to find and live from the “big picture” first, down to the details, later. Making this simple mental […]

From Disharmony to Harmony; every (happy) couple’s journey.

Hello folks, autumn is in the air in this part of the world, bringing upon bright colors, clear skies, and in our home, an invitation to sit by the fire, talk, laugh, watch football, eat, drink and be merry. That is the fun part. Spoiler alert: In marriage, there are other parts too: closeness brings about disagreements and arguments. It is inevitable; it is part of the deal and peculiarly necessary (arguments lead us to the reason we picked our partners, mastering how to repair them heals us. Don’t worry; arguments, fights (excluding extreme dirty-fighting) and disagreements are not indicative of […]

When the rubber hits the road, whose need matters most?

In distress and disagreement whose need is more important, his or hers? Here’s a map to the mind-set needed to know each and every time. Her husband had an affair and now is over: she wants to talk more about her lingering pain; he doesn’t want to talk about it any more. Whose need trumps the other?: To talk or not to talk? Who is to say that her need to talk is more important than his need to stay quiet? The gravity of this particular scenario may make it easier for a third party to choose sides depending on which choice triggers him/her […]

How self-description can be flawed and potentially dangerous to your marriage

Hello folks, greetings to all! Summer begins in this nook of the world, what a joy! I hope you are living joyfully in your own nook of the world whatever the season, and to increase those chances, I’d like to shine a light on how 2 questions can springboard your partner/spouse) relationship from (irrelevant) self-description to true understanding of how your actions affect each other and your bond. Lately I have become keenly aware of how immensely damaging to relationships it can be, when one partner affirms, despite evidence to the contrary, “being” a certain way: “I am reasonable” or, […]

Are you living in a “primitive” marriage?

The "Default Trap" Did you know we had a "reset" button? It just happens to happen that when we are exposed to difficult situations and repeatedly attempt to resolve them but are not skilled to do it, we operate the same way we have designed our computerized world to work: "default to original settings"! To prevent destruction, the system protects itself by resetting itself to its starting point. From a relationship point of view, this would be the reactive action that we take, when we think and feel we don’t have an option: we default to survival mode and act […]

The hidden power of money

Happy 2012 to all! January 31st. The last day of the first month of a year filled with expectations. Without a doubt, what has revealed itself to be right up there on our lists of expectations, is to have some form of job security and the possibility to plan for financial growth and stability, a yearning which has kept us holding our breath for some time now. This unexpected economic shift and its ripple effect has revealed crucial facts in both men and women sharing intimate relationships. I’d love to share with you, key common themes that many couples brought […]

From power struggle to intimacy

Hello folks, if you are anything like me or the many people I come across in my work as a couple’s therapist, you are also looking to live a good life. Time and time again, the ingredient most sought out by humans to live a good life is overall health, passion and intimacy, trumping riches and glamour head’s down. I am thrilled to share a little something that will show you the way to passion and intimacy! Imagine a world, where each couple learns how to reach a level of connection with one another so real, so deep, that every […]